On Awards Shows

And why I don't watch them.

I don't watch awards shows or reality competitions anymore, but I used to. I've been to Tonys parties with themed snacks, in college my friends and I would crowd into our sweet RA's single to watch Dancing with the Stars, I remember where I was when Kelly Clarkson became THE American Idol. The Emmys, the Oscars, and the Tonys used to be appointment viewing for me; whether I was with friends or on my own, I was going to be seated and, eventually, livetweeting along with everyone else. But slowly over the years, my resolve started to get chipped away. It started in 2007, when Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan was unfairly voted off Dancing with the Stars 6th, despite being undoubtedly the best dancer there. And whether or not she would have one was to be seen, but it was so obvious to everyone that she shouldn't have been voted off so early that the OTHER CONTESTANTS wore little cheetah paw prints on their costumes the following week in solidarity. It was DEVASTATING, and at 20 years old, and it was only the first time such a show would betray me like this.

Over the years, I watched award show after award show, only to be disappointed again and again. The King's Speech winning Best Picture over Black Swan, Modern Family winning Best Comedy Series over Glee, Once winning Best Musical over Newsies...over and over I was learning that MY favorites were not considered to be "the best."

Eventually, I reached my breaking point. I realized I wasn't enjoying these awards shows. The red carpet interviews were always awkward, the hosts were often either mean or just boring (with some notable exceptions), the speeches were too long, and my personal favorites rarely won. Tatiana Maslany had to play like 8 roles in one show to win a Primetime Emmy for Orphan Black because of how undervalued sci-fi is at these ceremonies. So I just...stopped watching. It was hard at first, I'll admit. I experienced some FOMO watching those first few awards shows pass without me, social media lighting up with activity while I spent my time on other things. But inevitably, there would be shock and dismay by the end of the awards, hosts making jokes that didn't land or were outright offensive, presenters fumbling their lines, or winners who weirdly started singing the name of their movie in the middle of their acceptance speech. And I was grateful to not be experiencing it live. Especially now, in the age of social media, I can trust that anything important will come my way eventually. I still feel in the loop without having to lose three hours of my Sunday filled with a potent mixture of hope and dread. A person can only get their heart broken so many times before they have to walk away.

Now, don't get me wrong, if I were invited to a viewing party, I'd go. I’m not morally opposed to awards shows, and anything is better with friends. But why set myself up for disappointment when I know that whoever makes these decisions doesn't a) respect horror and sci-fi the way I do, b) apparently know a good musical if it hits them in the face with a broomstick, and/or c) care more about the politics of their choices than the actual quality of the art they're rewarding. It's why the term "Oscar-bait" exists. The Academy and other organizations truly believe they're Doing Something by awarding Emilia Perez all these awards, despite the fact that both the trans and Mexican communities have explicitly expressed how bad it is, representation-wise, and how everyone I know who has watched it says how bad it is, musically and dialogue/plot-wise. More and more these days, I notice the divide between the critics' and viewers' scores on Rotten Tomatoes getting wider and wider. Some of us come to this place for magic! And it seems a lot of the decision-makers for awards (and even renewals or sequels) are in it for totally different reasons. I also am not sure how people even vote to begin with. It seems absolutely bonkers to me that Wicked and The Substance could be up for the same award, when they both set out to do very different things for very different (though obviously occasionally overlapping) audiences. They both perfectly accomplished exactly what they set out to do. They were both brilliantly written, directed, acted, and scored. And then neither of them won! No offense to Anora, I haven’t seen it, I’m sure it’s great, Mikey Madison is wonderful. But it just seems silly to me to even have to pick ONE movie to be the "best" in the whole industry for the whole year when "best" is so subjective.

Of course, I would never shame anyone for watching the awards shows - like I said, I'm not calling for a boycott by any means. If it brings you joy, watch the hell out of them! I have some friends who make a point to watch every Oscar nominated movie, and while I simply don't have the fortitude and will literally never watch Oppenheimer, I respect the hell out of the people who do it. I do enjoy giving myself tasks and challenges to push me outside my comfort zone, and even though this particular challenge isn't one I'm up to, I can appreciate it.

Maybe it's because I'm queer, and because my favorite genres have always been sci-fi and horror and my favorite shows have always been a little off the beaten path. Until they make a specific sci-fi/fantasy category, my favorites are never going to win these big awards. If you've been reading this newsletter since at least December, you've seen some of the things I picked as my favorites of the year; I'd need entirely separate categories for my musical and horror nominations! So it's a bummer to watch things go the opposite way that I would have voted. But all I can do is watch and support the things I DO love, and shout about them from the rooftops, and hope they reach the people like me who WOULD give them awards. And again, I'm genuinely so happy for the people whose favorites actually did and do win. This is your time to celebrate the things you love. And I’m also happy for (most of) the people who won! They worked really hard and they deserve recognition, too! Okay, I have to stop this train of thought now before I end up sounding like the “she doesn’t even go here” character in Mean Girls who just wants to bake a cake full of EGOTs and smiles and everyone could eat and be happy.

So while I'm still going to devour the Tony performances the next day, or belatedly cry watching Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Home, and Defying Gravity, or eagerly wait to see who really nailed their glambot, I feel better having released myself from what I realized was a self-imposed obligation to watch awards shows. If I boil it down, my overall point here isn't to make a formal stance for or against award shows, even though I obviously have my grievances with them. It's a reminder that you don't "have" to do things just because everyone else is doing them. It's like when I felt like I "had" to read more classic novels instead of just enjoying my queer fantasy and horror books and that's how I ended up being personally victimized by Scarlett O'Hara for three months. Just make sure you're choosing to do things because you want to, not because they're popular or trending or feel like a social obligation, is all I'm saying. Follow your bliss.