Sick Day

Here are some things, rational and irrational, that I want when I'm feeling under the weather.

I am under the weather this week, and I'm not 100% sure that this post is going to make any sense, because often when I am sick, my head feels a little floaty and detached from reality. And I do fear this may have too many similarities to my post about mundane magical powers, but this is all I've got on my mind this week, so this is what's happening: things I want when I'm sick, some of which are irrational, and some that are perfectly achievable. This is specific to head/chest ailments, since despite the fact that I have the constitution of a Victorian child and can practically catch a cold through the internet, and have gotten bronchitis more times than I can count, I luckily don't often get stomach viruses. So think specifically sneezy, sniffly, stuffy, sore and/or coughing. Let's get into it.

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Let's start with the irrational: I want a mug that is always full of tea that is not too hot, but warmer than room temperature. Tea always helps, especially when I have a sore throat, and especially tea with honey, but mugs are only so big, and getting up and down can be cumbersome when your head feels like lead. Also I can be impatient when it comes to hot things and sometimes when I make myself tea, I end up burning my tongue, and that's the last thing I need when I'm not feeling well. 

Something a little easier to achieve is sleeping sitting up. I don't know if this is residual from the time I had pneumonia and a broken rib and had to sleep in an armchair for a while, but whenever I'm sick, I hate being fully horizontal. Almost every cold or illness I've ever gotten in my life has eventually settled in my lungs as bronchitis or pneumonia, and when I'm congested or sniffly and lying down, it's almost like I can FEEL the fluids traveling directly into my lungs and setting up camp there, even if that's not how science works. The only thing that keeps this from being slam-dunk achievable is that I do not stay still when I sleep and sometimes wake up to that awful lung-filling feeling.

I don't know if this would be achieved by a magical thermometer or blanket, but I want something that will fluctuate the temperature as my needs change. When I'm feeling well, my preferred way to sleep is for the room to be a little cold so I can snuggle under a warm blanket. When I'm sick, my body can't decide what temperature it wants to be, especially if I'm even a little bit feverish. I like the comfort of being under a blanket, but sometimes I wake up drenched in sweat, or feeling like if anything is touching my skin for one more second I'll scream. And sometimes when my cold is still in the head stages, the last thing I want is an air conditioner blowing on my face. Again, I don't have even a hypothetical solution for this, but I'd love one. 

Another achievable thing: something to chew. Growing up, my mother always said she could tell when my brother and I were sick because my notoriously picky eater brother would gain an appetite, and I, lifelong member of the clean plate club, would lose mine. And while this is still true for the most part - I have to really pay attention to the time when I'm sick so I feed myself at regular intervals, because my body is too busy to tell me when it's hungry - I do tend to eat more than I used to when I'm sick. This is due largely in part to the fact that chewing seems to help me feel better?? Maybe this is the same ears-nose-and-throat phenomenon that lets gum help prevent your ears pop on airplanes, but when I'm chewing, my sinuses feel clearer, and I get a brief, blessed reprieve from having to wipe my nose every 30 seconds. I especially like crunchy snacks for this. And for some reason, eating not-soup even helps my sore throat? With the possible exception of when I have strep, a lot of times my sore throats are almost an itch or a discomfort that's less like pain, and swallowing food seems to soothe it temporarily. I'm only a doctor according to the credentials of Seattle Grace Mercy West Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital for the Criminally Insane and Disaster Prone, so I can't tell you why or how, but I'm not going to look a gift snack in the mouth. 

Another form of soothing I want is the feeling of someone stroking or brushing my hair without anyone actually touching me or being within six feet of me. Whenever I brush my hair while I'm sick, I find it very soothing. But also the idea of anyone touching me when I'm sick makes my skin hurt. And I don't want anyone here in my apartment with me and risk them getting sick, too! When I'm sick, I'm often too tired to brush my own hair for very long. So I need a magical hairbrush, I guess. Hell I'd even settle for someone who is immune to all illness to appear, feel my forehead and/or glands and say "poor baby," then disappear.  

One easily accessible necessity every time I'm sick is Nyquil. I'm pretty sure its ingredients are just Tylenol + Chloroform, but I don't care. It's one of the only things that knocks me out, and my body does its best healing when I'm asleep. And I only ever get the liquid form; it's delicious, coats a sore throat beautifully, and again, I'm no doctor, but I swear it works better than the pills. 

The best feeling in the world when I have a head cold is a nice, hot shower. The worst feeling in the world when I have a head cold is having wet hair after. I want to be instantaneously dry after a shower! And before you try to tell me I can technically shower without getting my hair wet, you're wrong. Remember before when I told you how I liked the feeling of my hair being brushed? The shower water imitates the head massage I crave and is vital to the healing properties of the hot shower. And before you bring up hair dryers, a) I haven't used mine in so long I don't even know where it is, and b) that also requires arm strength and emotional fortitude I don't tend to have when I'm sick. I'll do it when I accidentally shower too close to bedtime, but I will feel whiny about it the entire time. 

And the #1 irrational thing I want whenever I'm sick, and I have since I was very little, is the magical medicine Mary Poppins gives Jane and Michael Banks that tastes like your favorite flavor, and specifically dispensed from that bottle with its delightful little glurgles and on an oversized spoon. And, if I’m being honest with myself, specifically being given to me by Mary Poppins herself.