The Art of Doing Nothing
Normalize doing nothing with your friends
A while back I saw someone on TikTok say "normalize doing nothing with your friends" as if it were some grand concept. The video showed their friends coming over for no reason, excited to not be...I don't even know what? The comments were all in agreement, saying they wish they could do this, or marveling over this novel idea. My mind was blown, personally. Doing nothing with my friends is my favorite activity.
After I thought about it for a while, I did realize that this was maybe not always the case. I guess when I was younger we did usually have "reasons" for hanging out. Whether we went out to bars, or went over one person's house to play Rock Band, or we went to a movie in the park. There was usually an activity that was the "reason" for hanging out. But as I got older, that went out the window. Maybe it's because I don't live close to all of my friends, so, for example, when I go to Massachusetts, we all gather in one place. We have no plans, no agenda. Sometimes we watch movies, sometimes we don't and we just chat and snack, but we are always laughing the whole time. But that's true of my local friends, too. I can't tell you how many times we've planned "game nights" that just turn into gab nights because we're too busy enjoying each other's company to actually start a game. Or how often I’ve sat on a stoop with a friend just catching up. Or how many times I've spent downtime at a con sitting in a hotel room with a friend while we both did separate activities (e.g. reading or playing a Switch) and occasionally had mini conversations in between. (When children do this we call it "parallel play" and actually it's a very important developmental milestone, thank you very much.)
And listen, don't get me wrong. I love doing things with my friends! I love going to cons, playing D&D, going to see shows, playing video games, going to the movies, and going out to dinner or for drinks with friends. I love it so much. As the weather gets nicer, I hope to be able to have many an outdoor brunch. But I also love that we don't NEED an "activity" to be together, and that we always have a good time no matter what we do or don't do. (Bonus: it's nice to not have to pay money every time you want to spend time with your friends.)
I think the art of doing nothing is something that doesn't always come naturally to millennials, initially, because we were raised to hustle. Most of us were told we had to work hard and be productive to be useful. We were called (either literally by the adults around us, or metaphorically by society) lazy if we wanted a break or asked for help. It wasn't until we were older that the concept of a "mental health day" came into existence; we weren't even supposed to take sick days unless we physically couldn't get out of bed. I still feel it sometimes, in the days I don't "accomplish" much, but what is work for if not so we can afford to take time off and enjoy life?
Time spent doing "nothing" with my friends never feels like doing nothing, not in the same way spending a day on my couch watching TV does. Time spent doing "nothing" with my friends feels like growing closer, it feels like learning, it feels uplifting, and joyful, and important. Especially these days, with everything in the world getting darker by the hour, with the struggles we're enduring and the battles we're fighting, spending time just being with friends feels like healing and recharging. And not to be dramatic, but it feels lifesaving and necessary.
So yes, normalize doing nothing with your friends. Normalize expecting nothing from them but their time, wanting nothing but their company. Normalize not feeling like you need to be out and about to be doing something worthwhile. Normalize just being together, because we need each other, now more than ever.